Safewords are everything.

Even on the phone, safewords should be encouraged. A safeword is simply a word to either slow or stop play if it's getting out of the subs comfort zone. (stoplight words are the typical go-to) green = all good yellow = pump the brakes red = full stop

This came to mind when gonzo porn is implementing safewords:

Subs Are in Charge

Although bottoms feign subservience, the irony of BDSM is that the sub is in charge. Bottoms can invoke the stop signal and tops vow to obey immediately. Meanwhile, tops act dominant, but they must also be caring and nurturing, taking bottoms to their agreed-upon limit, but never beyond it. In this way, BDSM provides an opportunity for everyone to experiment with taking and surrendering power, while always feeling safe and cared for. People who enjoy BDSM say it results in amazing erotic intensity.

Weird getting to know DJ questions.

What is your most favorite scene from movies? The number 23 when Jim Carrey and Febretzia are engaging...super super sexy

If you love snakes, which one is your favorite? I do love snakes! I worked at a nature museum and became quite fond of a boa constrictor and a king snake (another constrictor, but smaller)

Do you love music? Which genre is your favorite? Yes I love music! Country for the win!!

Please tell me, which one is your favorite: Old school rap or today’s new age rappers? gut reaction makes me want to say old school...but I do think lil' pump is a cute lil' so and so...

How tall are you? Have you dreamed being ever taller? 5'8 when I was little I wanted to be 6' dunno why

What is your favorite number and please tell us, why? 8 and I'm not entirely sure though I'm sure many would make reference to dick's always been 8...favorite golf club...all sorts of things...maybe it's an infinity thing..

Have you ever been on any bridge? Do you like bridges? yes I've been on quite a few, I love bridges...old wooden ones (covered) are awesomesauce.

Do you have fear of anything? If it’s not secret, please tell us what you fear the most? the dark.

Where are you working right now? the couch in my living room

Which ocean is your favorite and why? pacific. closest, warmest...BUT i was in the meditteranian sea as a late teen and you float soooo easy because it's so salty and warm...mmmm I call a tie.

Have you ever been in Europe? Where? Yes! England, France, Germany and Greece (though I don't think Greece is part of the EU.) but it's not far...

Do you love history? Did you have high grades in history classes? NO! I hated history it was right after lunch - I eeeeeked by with a c- I deserved a worse grade than that.

Who is your favorite king in world’s history? hmm well first I will say Jesus (King of Kings) but for earthly type realm if Napoleon counts (he was an emperor) I'll go with him...if he doesn't count I'd have to go for King Solomon (biblical)

Do you believe that Trump will make America great again? America is and will always be great. I think 45 is dead set on imploding the country.

What do you think about the Russia’s Leader Putin? I don't know the man. I think he has the right sort of presentation to be a world leader.

How do you describe yourself? country AF, funny...not sure what else to say.

Take time to decompress - self care - relaxation

When I was in fourth grade, I had a teacher: Mrs. Rollins. She was into yoga and all things "hippy dippy" (my words for her back then) but she taught that young age guided body relaxation. Her method was a little different. We'd imagine a glowing white light travelling through our body...relaxing all the places that light touched. Same concept please give it a try.

Other helpful tips:

hydrate -being dehydrated can throw the body into a state of dis-ease (disease) but it upsets the natural balance of your body without enough water.

exercise - move for at least 30 minutes. If your mobility is limited, then stretch your legs out, and your arms...breathe deeply.

write - write out the things that are troubling you. Look at it honestly, then problem solve the perceived problems one at a time.

aromatherapy - lighting a candle or incense can bring peace to your space and mind.

be kind to yourself - positive affirmations - look in the mirror and say to yourself 5 positive things.

be grateful - make a list of 5 (or more!) things or people you're thankful for!

consider a change - if work or a situation is the causation of your stress: consider changing that situation. (get a different job, move, etc)

Guide to Prostate Play

The prostate is a chestnut sized gland in people born with a penis that is often referred to as the ‘male G-spot’. Stimulating this gland has the potential to create longer, more frequent and more intense orgasms. What’s not to like about that? However, this sexually fulfilling experience is seemingly off limits to mainstream, heterosexual culture due to homophobia and outdated sexual values. These misguides opinions are preventing many from exploring their prostate and the experience to be vulnerable and receptive to penetration. But all sigma aside, sex is about feeling good and exploring your intimate self, so if prostate play is something you’ve considered, why not give it a try?

The prostate gland is often misunderstood in its function and placement. The prostate is located just a few inches inside the anus, towards the belly, near the root or internal beginning of the penis. The prostate creates a fluid which is released with ejaculation to help sperm move quicker and live longer. Prostate fluid makes up to 30% of the fluid in an ejaculation and is the reason for the bitter tastes. The prostate is located just below the bladder and very close to the urethra. An enlarged prostate is common, especially with age. Because of the proximity to the bladder and urethra, if the prostate becomes enlarged enough, it can cause urination issues. The cause of enlarged prostate or benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) is unknown yet usually isn’t dangerous.

Stimulating the prostate can have more benefits than just better orgasms. This stimulation can help flush out the prostate and increase blood flow to the pelvic area. It can help impotence and provide some cancer prevention, yet it’s still important to get regular screenings with a doctor. Prostate play is also a great option for those with erectile disfunction or persons who don’t want to engage their penis during sex.

Massaging the prostate can be done inside or outside the body. External stimulation can be done by either a finger or a firm, bulb ended toy, like the Njoy pure wand. Press the area between the anus and the testicles, sometimes referred to as the taint or perineum. Internally, the prostate can’t be touched directly but stimulated through the rectum wall. Whenever touching your own or someone else's prostate, insure your nails are short and free of any sharp corners. Ideally use a protective glove or slip a condom over your finger. Try to use the pad of your finger and not the nail or tip. It’s also a good idea to have a few wet wipes around for quick cleanup.

Use a smooth, long lasting lube, like Uberlube and enough to cover your finger and anus area. Your palm should be facing the body and move slowly until you identify the gland. The prostate swells when aroused, making it easier to locate, so some sexy foreplay beforehand can be helpful. Move with a slow ‘come hither’ motion to gently massage the gland. Self prostate massage can be tricky and an act of sexual contortion, so using a sex toy could make it easier. A non-porous toy that is curved in shape is ideal. The Pfun Plug Butt Plug is not only the perfect shape and material for prostate play but also has a flared base to insure it doesn’t get lost inside your body. Either gently move to toy with your hand or engage your PC muscles, pulsing them rhythmically. Using a toy that vibrates, like the Tantus Prostate Play Butt Plug, is also a sexy option to explore. Changing positions will change sensation so keep that in mind when trying to find your sweet spot. For more information about the PC muscles and how they can help your orgasm, see Wild Flower’s guide to kegels.

Not everyone orgasms from just prostate stimulation so stimulating the penis at the same time can add to the pleasure. However it isn’t common for prostate owners to experience ‘dry orgasms’, allowing for multiple orgasms without ejaculation. Ejaculation orgasms require a waiting period between each one, while dry or prostate orgasms do not.

Self Care in the Summertime

It's important. Everyone thinks summertime/relaxing etc. But, if you're a people pleaser, a type A, disorganized or burning the candle at both ends type...summer can be as bad or worse than the rest of the year!

I speak to many people throughout the day, and I hear from peers (sex-workers, phone girls/cam girls) and guys I talk to that everyone is feeling hurried, frazzled, disorganized, unrested and exhausted.

No one is taking time to savor summer much less the day to day.

Here's a few tips for self care over summer.

my tips:

hydrate, hydrate, hydrate (drink 8-10 glasses - 16 oz) of water a day

go for a walk, even a short one...think of deep breathing while doing so

read at least one book (a real one, not an ebook)

stay away from the news.

eat seasonal, regional fresh food (farmers markets have the goooood stuff affordable, organic, local and you're supporting another)

get a small amount of sunshine daily if possible (5 min on your face and arms at least)

stay away from drama and energy vampires (you know the ones and things, always trying to drain your time, energy, ideas..toxic)

stay away from braggadocios and humble braggers (name droppers, I've been there done that got the t shirt, those that always have the "inside track" on everything, "tea" spreaders", they will brag on stuff no one gives two fucks about,they can be toxic people)they are just feeding off your energy/power *don't let them do this* give them a pat on the back and send them off... toxic, like a weed...remove's just a time killer.

say no. (no to help wanted, no to going out, no to talking on the phone, no to anything that doesn't bring you pleasure or joy) Here's your permission from me. "DJ said I can say no.")

Have a great summer. "Just say no." lol

DH Lawrence: Lady Chatterley's Lover

After speaking with a friend and writer -- DH Lawrence came up...and one cannot discuss Lawrence without mentioning and discussing Lady Chatterley's Lover...(if you can believe it, I read this in middle school -- oh the things we got away with in the "gifted program!)

So, do yourself a favor and carve out the time to listen to this masterpiece.

Or you may read it for free courtesy of the Gutenberg press:

Get YOUR free copy of Afternoon Delight by Asher Lake/Dirk Hooper

Afternoon Delight: The novelette (continuing saga of Ava and Tim from Dominatrix Boss) is available to YOU free of charge! I highly recommend reading it - exceptionally written and true to life scenarios...Asher Lake knocks it out of the park yet again! If you are a Dominatrix or a lover of all things FemDom, it's a must read (and again, I recommend it to those exploring and even couples looking to spice things up! (Click the sexy stilletos!)

If you've not yet read the original Dominatrix Boss, you are truly missing out. This is a spot on tale (so realistic, I still question if this comes from real life experience!) About Ava and Tim as they venture out in a new D/s relationship as they BOTH learn their roles...great for Dommes/subs/FemDom afficianados and those looking to learn about the lifestyle. Click the lovely Ava (on the cover) to get to Amazon to purchase your copy!

On a personal note, I find most erotica when it comes to the BDSM community to be trite. Usually it's the fodder of fantasy or masturbation inspiration for both sexes. This isn't remotely like that. Written in a way that could either be the journal of Ava or Tim (the Domme and the sub respectively) both the novel and the novelette show the real-time experience from the author. Like myself the author (Ashler Lake) has been both top and bottom -- and the way these books are written, it shows in the best of ways. You are doing yourself a disservice if you don't read them! I was honored to help Asher Lake (Dirk Hooper) spread the word as this book is THAT good.